The Catalogues of Epicness, Book 1
Date Published: 12/14/2019
Publisher: INtense Publications LLC
Xavier Crenshaw discovers his life’s calling when he devises an elaborate prank that goes badly wrong. Enlightened by this experience, Xavier creates “snardling,” which is subtly but crucially different from ordinary pranks. For starters, snardlers never get caught. Crisis comes when Xavier and his two partners snardle the whole school, and the wrong person gets blamed. The team falls apart in the aftermath, until a despondent Xavier receives a secret note requesting a snardle of extraordinary proportions to occur at the unveiling of long-dead poet’s secret diary. Despite his careful planning, Xavier wasn’t ready for the terrifying surprise awaiting him, and no one in Penceleton is prepared for what comes next.
EXCERPT
PRO TIP: When you’re snardling, timing is everything.
Everything! Well, except for selecting a victim, devising a brilliantly fiendish snardle and having nerves of frozen steel. But once you’ve got those things down, it’s all about the timing. You’ve probably heard the old adage, “He who hesitates is lost.” Well, even though it sounds dumb, there’s a lot of truth to it. An amateur snardler often gets to the point of snardle deployment but then freezes on the brink of action until someone comes along and the opportunity passes. A real snardler won’t hesitate—not unless he gets the kind of bad feeling in his gut that only experience and natural talent can give. That bad feeling means STOP! But being able to tell plain old nervousness from that warning in your midsection is tricky—and the mark of a true snardler. “If your gut don’t yodel, snardle like a mogul” is a saying that I just now made up that pretty much gets the point across. So, take it to heart, future snardlers. Oh yeah—you should also always have an alibi and a backup plan. I’m bringing that up because I didn’t have either when I pulled this next snardle, and it nearly cost me everything.
About the Author
Bearded, sluggish, treacherous, delightfully aromatic– these are but a few of the adjectives that employers, friends, fans, and law enforcement have used when struggling to describe Houston-based novelist James B. Caruthers. He is a dad, a public-interest attorney, and proud author of his frankly dangerous debut novel Snardler.
James has dreamed of being a writer since the second grade. Now that this has been accomplished, he’s pretty darn full of himself. He loves his kids, loved being a kid, and is crazy about writing for kids. His writing philosophy is simple: never patronize. His snardling philosophy is equally as simple: never get caught.
