Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children
Nonfiction
Date Published: September 17, 2024
Publisher: MindStir Media
Is your child ready to launch into adulthood, or are they stuck on the
runway?
Today, more young adults than ever are struggling to achieve independence.
Over fifty percent of 18-29-year-olds are still living at home, and an
alarming number leave home and cut ties with their parents. But what if
there was a way to help your child become self-sufficient and independent
while maintaining a strong, loving bond with you?
In this book, the author, a seasoned expert in the field, provides a
comprehensive guide to achieving a successful launch. You’ll learn the
importance of practicing unconditional love to secure the relationship, even
when fear, anxiety, guilt, or resentment threaten to block it. Through love
and five other powerful practices-strengthening your relationship,
apologizing, forgiving, showing backbone, and saying goodbye-you’ll gain the
tools and insights to support your child’s journey to responsible
independence.
Empower yourself with the knowledge to let go while sustaining a caring
connection with your adult child. It’s time to prepare for a launch that
truly soars.
Launch Code is a beacon of wisdom and compassion for parents navigating the
complexities of supporting grown-up children. With its reassuring tone and
practical guidance, this book offers invaluable strategies for fostering
open communication, setting healthy boundaries, and navigating the delicate
balance between support and independence. Each chapter is packed with
actionable advice and exercises, ensuring readers can apply the insights
gained to their situations. With its blend of empathy and practicality,
Launch Code is an indispensable companion for any parent seeking guidance
and reassurance in supporting their adult children, offering a comforting
hand through the ups and downs of this transformative journey.
Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Author, Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut
Ties and How to Heal the Conflict
I have had the pleasure of following Jack Stoltzfus and his books on
parenting over the years. Jack’s latest book, the Parents Launch Code:
Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children, addresses the precarious period
when children prepare to launchinto adulthood. His approach – the
combination of unconditional love with “backbone” — captures the
meaning behind “tough love,” a phrase I used to describe what I
learned in the ’60s working with young people on the streets of Harlem. Love
and backbone are the formula for the difficult and necessary balance between
compassion and resolve that parenting with integrity requires. This is an
essential book for parents whose children are entering adulthood.
“
Bill Milliken
Founder and Vice Chair, Communities in Schools
Author of Tough Love, The Last Drop Out, and From the Rearview Mirror
EXCERPT
FOREWARD
As a leadership and coaching expert, I’ve had the privilege of guiding
many through the various stages of personal and professional development.
Yet there’s a pivotal phase that’s often overlooked: the transition
young adults make from the family home into the wider world. Dr. Jack
Stoltzfus’s The Parent’s Launch Code is a pivotal work that provides an
invaluable road map for this journey. Having raised two adult children
myself, I understand the delicate balance required in this critical phase.
The process of releasing our kids into the world equipped for success
and resilience is a task that, while daunting, is deeply rewarding. Dr.
Stoltzfus’s work is a vital companion for this task, offering sage advice
that I wish had been available during my own parenting years.
In my career and life, I’ve seen firsthand the challenges of letting
go and the importance of doing it right. This book is a testament to the
delicate art of parenting young adults—a stage where conventional parenting
books often fall silent. Dr. Stoltzfus offers not just his profound
insights but also his heart as he shares real-life experiences from his
practice and personal life. It’s this blend of professional expertise and
personal vulnerability that makes The Parent’s Launch Code resonate
with such authenticity and authority. Having experienced the complex
emotions of watching my children venture out, I can attest to the need
for a guide that embraces both the joy and trepidation of this period.
Dr. Stoltzfus steps into this role with grace and wisdom, offering a light
to navigate by.
What strikes me most about this book is its unflinching honesty.
Dr. Stoltzfus doesn’t shy away from the complexities of the parent-young
adult relationship. Instead, he faces them head-on, acknowledging the
emotional turmoil while steering clear of empty guarantees. This honest
approach sets a solid foundation for the six practices he outlines, each
a stepping stone towards successful independence for our children and
peace of mind for us as parents. The realism in these pages speaks to those
of us who have lain awake at night wondering if we’ve done enough, if our
children are truly prepared for the challenges ahead, and how our relationship
with them will evolve. It assures us that while perfection in parenting
is unattainable, continuous improvement is always within reach.
I am particularly moved by the way Dr. Stoltzfus addresses the
duality of parenting: the profound love we have for our children and
the inherent sadness in acknowledging they will one day leave the nest.
This book provides a compassionate and practical approach to managing
this bittersweet reality, ensuring that the bonds we cherish remain
strong, even as we encourage our children to forge their own paths. As
parents, we aspire not just to raise competent individuals but also to lay
the groundwork for lasting, meaningful relationships that endure the
test of time and distance.
The Parent’s Launch Code is an essential read for any parent at
the cusp of this transformative stage. As our young adults prepare to
launch into a world that we’ve helped them navigate from a distance, Dr.
Stoltzfus’s book is a powerful reminder that our roles as parents evolve
but never truly end. We are forever coaches, cheerleaders, and safe harbors
in the ever-changing tides of our children’s lives. The launch may
be theirs, but the journey is a shared one, with each successful step forward
a testament to the love and effort we’ve poured into their upbringing.
As my own children have embarked on their independent paths, the
lessons echoed in this book have reinforced the importance of trust, the
wisdom of restraint, and the value of unwavering support. Dr. Stoltzfus’s
words are not just guidance; they are a celebration of one of life’s most
significant milestones.
—Dr. Marshall Goldsmith is the Thinkers50 #1 Executive Coach
and New York Times bestselling author of The Earned Life,
Triggers, and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.
About the Author
Dr. Jack Stoltzfus, a unique blend of author, clinical psychologist, and
America’s Launch Coach®, has a mission to guide parents through
the challenging process of launching their young adult children. His
writings reflect his experiences with young adult challenges, his current
role as a parent of three adult children, and his extensive work with
parents in the delicate balance of love and backbone during the letting-go
process. Dr. Stoltzfus is a trusted resource for parents with a PhD from the
University of Wisconsin and over thirty-five years of experience in various
mental health and substance abuse settings. His popular website is
parentslettinggo.com.
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