Excerpt
She stops trembling and gazes up at me. I see her eyes for the first time, and I’m shocked to see that they are orange, and I mean entirely orange. It must be colored contacts. Who am I to judge? If this girl wants her eyes all orange, that’s her business. I have no right to tell others what they can do with their bodies.
“Thank you,” she replies quietly.
“Hey no problem. You know, if I wasn’t feeling generous, I would have laid his ass out.” I say trying to hide the fact that I’m a wussy with false bravado. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I didn’t know what happened. Suddenly, they just started chasing me. Shouting obscenities at me as well.”
“Yeah well, welcome to New Haven, the town filled with assholes…and me. I’m not an asshole, though. I am delightful. I haven’t seen you here before. You must be new.”
“I don’t know how to…” she started, but she is interrupted by a loud static sound.
Suddenly, her entire body seems fuzzy like it’s just simply data. Before I know it, the sweet, pretty girl in front of me is replaced with a green creature. It has two large orange orbs as eyes. No nose or ears. Two antennae were atop her head where her hair used to be, giving her a bug-like appearance, except that her antennae curled behind her head and down to her lower back. Her boobs seem to have disappeared. Probably because her species doesn’t breast feed their young. Not one hundred percent on that, but it seems like a safe assumption.
But just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. Replaced again with the young girl. I see her eyes go large with fear and anticipation as she was waiting for my reaction. Finally, I muster up a response. The only one I could possibly think of for what I just witnessed.
“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day.”
She looks at me confused like she was expecting some grander reaction. Some negative response to her glitch thingy. Really anything except an overstating of the obvious. Little does she know, one of my top talents is stating the obvious. Wait a minute, that means that I have three talents. Woo, I’m a triple threat.
“What?” she asks perplexedly.
“I wasn’t lying. It’s not every day you see a staticky alien. Well, I mean, you might see it every day, but I sure as hell don’t.”
“Why aren’t you freaking out like that other member of your race?”
“I knew aliens existed. I mean, come on, a vast number of galaxies and solar systems but this rock is the only one that is special enough to have life on it? That would just be stupid. Looking at it in either a religious or scientific way, it would just be stupid. I am a little shocked to see one here, though. Especially considering how many light years the nearest planet with the right conditions for life would be but, hey, it is what it is. “
