Memoir / Self-help / Spirituality / Relationships
Publication date: September 28, 2023
Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
Hello, goddess!
As a wife, mother, career woman, and active member of your community, you
may have so many responsibilities that you lose sight of who you actually
are. You have what society claims is the “perfect life.” So why do
you feel empty rather than exhilarated?
In Goddess Mode, Meli Rowland shows you how to break free of the mold
tradition would put you in. She clears the way for you to seek your higher
self and explains why it’s essential-and never too late-to embrace your
inner goddess. Follow the model Meli uses to find clarity.
Unearth the secret to maintaining a healthy balance. Experience how
positive thinking and intentional action play critically important roles in
every goddess’s life, including yours. Discover invaluable tips, lessons,
and exercises for overcoming any setback, adversity, or fear while living a
life of true meaning for yourself. Awaken your inner power to self-trust,
self-respect, self-love and self-heal.
EXCERPT
Introduction
Seasons change and our time on Earth is limited. You are here to awaken your soul’s purpose. The journey is not an easy road but a beautiful path that awaits you.
F
rom as early as seven years old, I had a fascination with animals with wings, like birds and insects. I was fascinated that they could fly away at any moment—they had freedom. I wanted nothing more than my own pair of wings. They would be beautiful, golden, and invisible to anyone besides me. I’d picture myself using my invisible wings to fly away and escape from my life in a toxic household with an alcoholic stepdad and an emotionally unavailable mother.
Because of choices my mother made, I felt trapped in many ways throughout my entire childhood, and I hated that feeling. I kept one wish in my head: that one day I’d be able to fly away from it all, just like those winged animals, and find my freedom.
From the outside it may appear that my life is and has always been easy. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It goes to show how social media in particular can give off fake perceptions of reality. If you go to my Instagram page, it’s the best photo album I could possibly create, and it shows the most perfect, filtered parts of my life. It does not show struggles or chaos. It doesn’t show how I got to where I am today: how I was raised in a very unstable environment, spent years in foster care, and had to make something of myself fully on my own, with no support.
It also doesn’t show the struggles I later went through when I first became a mom, or how—partly because I never had the right tools or examples of what a solid marriage looked like—my own marriage took a turn for the worse. When it comes to relationships, I now know a tower will always fall down if it’s built on a weak foundation. My marriage’s foundation had missing bricks, so over time it crumbled.
As you’ll see in this book, there are many layers to my story, and they’ve all brought me to where I am today…in complete and total goddess mode. I live every day of my life using the lessons I’ll teach you, and I’m happier now than ever because of it. I’ve found my higher self, and I live my truth every day—with a life that’s financially abundant and fulfilling both emotionally and spiritually, because those things are important to me.
But let’s rewind to the very beginning. My birth father was never in the picture when I was a child, and the first father figure I knew was my stepdad, Richard. He was an alcoholic who my mom married not long after she’d sent me off to a Monday through Friday boarding school for kindergarten at just five years old. I like to think of that boarding school as baby jail considering how young I was. After a couple of years of boarding school, I started regular school, but that experience was even worse because I had to spend more time around Richard.
I’d come home from school in fear, never knowing if Richard would be drunk or not. As soon as I was through the door, I’d check the trashcan to see if there were any beer cans in there. If the bin was empty, he was fine. He could even be a great person. But if there were cans, it was a whole different story. I didn’t feel safe at all.
When I was nine years old, Richard and my mom had a domestic violence situation that forced me to call 911. I did not witness the incident because my mom instructed me to hide in my room. Afterward, the two of us stayed at a domestic shelter. I saw a lot there—lots of women and children in terrible places in their life, all quietly aware that the cycle perpetuated from generation to generation.
Eventually we left the shelter and moved into a one-bedroom apartment. The living quarters were very tight and uncomfortable, and to make things worse, my mom wasn’t around much. Those days I spent a lot of time alone or with a caretaker in my mom’s absence. Multiple times while I lived there, I was awakened by very inappropriate noises—a caretaker being intimate with a man right next to me, in the same bedroom where I was sleeping. I felt violated and prayed for my safety.
Even at a young age, I knew this to be true: if the situation had taken a wrong turn, that man could have molested me. Yes, I was exposed to sex at too young of an age, but as an adult I refused to let that rob me of my innocence. I instead just thank God nothing happened to me back then.
I’d never had the chance to have any normalcy as a kid before my mom started dating Thomas (who she eventually married), a sociopath who was very verbally and emotionally abusive, both to my mother and to me. Thomas often made comments like, “I don’t want this f*cking kid in my house!” My mom never stood up to him or protected me. She was supposed to be my safeguard, yet there I was again…unsafe.
I started to do things teenagers do when they’re crying for help but are too afraid to speak up. I never wanted anyone to know I lived in a house where I felt unsafe. Instead of communicating my pain, I started to hang out with the wrong crowd, and we were eventually caught shoplifting. We were too young to be prosecuted, so instead we were all assigned a probation officer for minors. My probation officer couldn’t make sense of why I hung out with that crowd. After all, I had good grades and didn’t fit the profile of a troubled teenager. She became very invested in me because she sensed something bigger was going on.
Meanwhile, I’d met Ms. Campbell, the high school’s guidance counselor, when I was a freshman. She and I got along great, and I could tell she genuinely cared about my well-being. She knew I was a good student, and she helped me enroll in the best classes with the best teachers. She wanted to make sure I got into college, so she paid especially close attention to how I did. When she and other teachers began noticing a difference in my mood and grades, Ms. Campbell immediately knew something must be off at home.
The combined concern from my probation officer, Ms. Campbell, and my teachers resulted in a home investigation. I was just fourteen years old. Not only was I emotionally broken by that point, but my menstrual cycle stopped for a period of four months, despite the fact that I was not yet sexually active. My pediatrician concluded that my body was having a physical reaction to the emotional abuse and stress happening at home. The investigation, combined with my pediatrician’s report, determined that I needed to be removed from my home for safety. I was placed in foster care.
My mom was emotionally checked out and physically unavailable to protect me. I was still so young and didn’t know how to cope with this. All I knew was that it initially came as a relief to be out of that house. I thought foster care would be different and that it wouldn’t feel as restricting as life had with my mom and Thomas. But while foster care was better in a sense, it certainly didn’t make my life normal by any means. Foster care also felt like jail to me. Not because my foster parents weren’t wonderful people (they were), but because of court-imposed rules. I was young, yes, but I had absolutely no control over my life. My social worker controlled everything I did outside of school.
And I mean everything. If I wanted to go to a football game with my friends, I’d have to get a hold of my social worker—who had countless kids she managed—to get court approval. By the time the court came back and said yes, the game would be over. My whole life needed to be planned in advance if I wanted to do anything a normal teenager would do.
So continued my abnormal childhood.
I knew other foster kids had those same rules but were in way worse situations, so I tried to count my blessings. I heard some foster kids had abusive foster parents or foster parents who stole their court allowances, pocketing the money that was supposed to go to clothes and other essentials for the kids. Some were even born into foster care. The fact that my foster parents gave us chores didn’t seem so bad, all things considered.
There wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t think of my golden, invisible wings and the freedom they would provide. I saw them as golden because gold translates to money, and I knew with money I could gain the power to decide the direction of my life. For me, my invisible wings—or my freedom—meant financial independence. That would allow me to fly away from my current situation and set me up for a future where I wouldn’t have to rely on anyone, where I could get and do anything I wanted on my own. (Keep in mind that invisible wings offer whatever freedom it is that you personally desire, so invisible wings can mean different things and look different for everyone; it’s not always about financial independence.)
Eventually I grew my pair of invisible wings. When I left foster care at seventeen, I moved back in with my mom and Thomas for six months until I graduated high school. I emancipated myself from the court system, and it was the best feeling in the world. I had a part-time job as a cashier at Sears and had been accepted to California State University, Long Beach. I’d also gotten into a summer program at the college, so I was able to move to campus a week after high school graduation.
The only issue was that Thomas wanted me out the day after graduation. He emptied my bedroom and started painting the walls, and I was forced to sleep on the living room couch. Waking up to his verbal abuse was more than I could take, so I packed everything into my car without a place to go.
My destiny was tested then—one wrong turn and I could have been led down a dark path, but I refused to take that wrong turn. I felt in my bones that I had the power to steer myself in the right direction (and eventually help other girls to think twice before going down a dark path, with my story in mind). I asked my foster mom if I could stay over for a few days while I waited to move into my dorm, and, as if an angel had come to help me, she said yes. I was free.
As I started to heal over the years, I kept in mind that my life was in my own hands. I had two choices: I could be a victim of the trauma I’d endured and let it sabotage me, allowing those circumstances to control my life. Or I could overcome my past and take full control.
I chose the latter. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was slowly developing the goddess mode model. Living life in goddess mode meant never letting past trauma negatively impact me, always keeping a clear focus on myself/what makes me thrive and pursuing paths accordingly, and always trusting my gut. I continued to use this way of thinking and acting to bring everything I wanted into my life.
Goddess mode is truly a lifestyle—and an excellent one at that. Using the lessons I’ll outline in this book, you’ll tap into goddess mode, too…and never look back. Goddess mode is activated when you know your soul’s purpose on Earth. This book will ask you to take a long, hard look within to figure out who you are and if there is anything holding you back. You start from within because your soul is the seed that grows your dream life into reality. You’ll find that when you’re on your soul’s journey, you begin to easily attract everything you want.
Living life in goddess mode asks you to continually put yourself at the center of your own life. Love is the highest form of frequency, and when you start to love yourself from within, everything around you blossoms. You suddenly have the power to turn your passion project into a successful business. You have the power to bring the right kind of romantic partner into your life, one who complements you instead of saving you. Don’t wait on Prince Charming to arrive on a white horse to rescue you…in goddess mode, you’ll already have saved yourself! When you love yourself from within, you can tackle your motherly duties while you live a fulfilling life for you, too.
If you picked up this book because you feel lost—because you’re stuck and don’t know how to get moving—I’m here to help. I’ve been there. I’m living proof that these lessons work, and they’ve worked for countless other women I’ve taught them to.
I want you to be next!
I’m a huge proponent of manifestation, and I’m so excited to share those teachings with you. Even if you’re brand-new to manifestation and the power of your mind, you can start to attract the things you want almost instantly. For the women who are familiar with manifestation, I’ll also give you a deep dive into some of the concepts I regularly use in my advanced practice, including some insight into spirituality.
In later chapters, I’ll discuss areas in which women tend to struggle when it comes to their identities: career/financial independence, relationships, and motherhood. As we go through those, I’ll constantly remind you to focus on you, and only you, when it comes to decision-making. Remember, you’re on your soul’s journey. No one can define what makes you happy besides you, so you never want to give other people or circumstances that power.
Not too long before I started to write this book, I went through a huge life change that required me to make a decision for me. I’d been living in goddess mode for many years following foster care but somehow lost sight of it once I got married. As the years passed, I continued to take more steps away from goddess mode, and my identity seemed to diminish. Then, a little bird finally woke me up.
Here’s what happened. Back in 2016, after my grandma passed away, I felt a void in my heart. She and I had been very close. No matter how much money I had, how successful my business was, or what material things I was able to buy for myself—like luxury cars and handbags—that void was still there. I wanted to meet a man and start a family to help fill this void. Turns out it’s never a good thing to enter a relationship as a way to cope with grief, but we’ll get to that in Chapter 4.
I wrote a detailed list of what I wanted in a husband. When I met my eventual husband, I compared him to this list, and he was about 90 percent of the things I was looking for. I figured he was the one. I didn’t tune in to my gut feelings. When I look back at that list I made, I never included anything on there about how I wanted to feel toward my future husband and how I wanted him to make me feel. My whole existence was operating on my masculine energy to protect myself. What I really wanted was for my husband to bring forth my femininity.
A month after our wedding, he and I went to Hawaii for my twenty-ninth birthday. A verbal disagreement between us escalated while he was under the influence of alcohol, and it brought out the worst sides in both of us. We really injured our marriage that night with words that couldn’t be taken back. The holes in both our hearts never repaired. Instead, the wounds just got deeper and deeper.
After that argument, my gut shouted that this was not a marriage aligned with my happiness and freedom. By that time my mom and I had mended our relationship, so I asked her advice on my marriage. She told me it would be embarrassing if I left my marriage after the beautiful dream wedding I’d just had in Paris. At the time I cared more about my image and the opinions of others than my own happiness, and I figured she was right. So I stayed, and I went on to have our two sons with him despite this underlying feeling I couldn’t shake that my marriage had failed.
My husband and I started to fight more often. Although we didn’t fight every day, my gut continued to tell me to leave, that the relationship would only get worse and more volatile. Another year went by as I continued to disregard my feelings. Soon, the combination of struggles with my marriage and new struggles with motherhood (which I’ll talk about throughout the book) made my reality bleak. I constantly wanted to stay asleep because I didn’t want to wake up to my reality. I escaped through sleeping pills in hopes I’d wake up to something different.
I started to lose my identity entirely, and because my husband now paid for everything and I slowed down in my business, I’d lost my financial independence completely. I’d been a CEO prior to this—a girl boss to the maximum—and now I felt like nothing. My beautiful, golden, invisible wings were gone, and in their place…invisible handcuffs.
In December 2021, we returned home from a vacation in the Bahamas, and I found a dead bird on our second-floor balcony. Then a bird started to knock and peck at my living room window every day at the same time for months. This bird was very insistent and never gave up, almost like it was there to tell me something. That bird followed me everywhere. It was my alarm clock to wake me up out of my current state and to encourage me to find my soul’s purpose again.
I was prompted to open an old journal I’d written in where I’d listed all the things I’d manifested throughout the years. I closed my eyes afterwards and asked the Universe to help me activate goddess mode, like I’d done in the past. I’d lived in goddess mode before, and I wanted to do it again. This time, I’d cement it as a lifestyle forever.
This is when I finally decided to take action on my marriage. I didn’t want my boys to grow up in a toxic household. I never wanted them to go through the pain I’d experienced as a child. I thought I was breaking the generational curse of a broken family by staying in a toxic marriage, but if I had stayed, it would have only exposed my children to unnecessary trauma. In separating from my husband, I committed to raising my boys in a happy and healthy environment.
I told my husband I wanted a separation. I wanted us to live apart to heal. I knew this would prevent our boys from having to see or hear arguments. It was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made, but it was the right one. Nothing good could have come from continuing to live in the same home. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It’s also important to me that my boys attract the right partners and have successful marriages when it’s time. Because I decided to leave when I did, I will be there to give them the tools and guidance to help them connect with and act on their gut feelings.
You’ll get to know very quickly in this book that I’m a firm believer in following your gut instinct and making decisions for you based on what makes you feel right. It’s not selfish to prioritize yourself. You were given one life…why spend it feeling unhappy when you can do what makes you happy instead?
Given my own childhood, I know a huge factor that holds women back from life in goddess mode is past or current trauma. Back in my teenage years I knew I had two paths I could choose from, and I made the choice not to let my upbringing dictate my future. A lot of women don’t realize they have a choice. They believe they’re a product of their environment, or they use what’s happened to them as an excuse for why they’re not where they want to be instead of using their trauma to motivate them and grow. In this book, I’ll teach you some tactics to move from the mentality of It’s not fair that this happened to me! to the belief that I will not be a victim or give my power away to those who’ve hurt me. I’m still here because I’m unbreakable!
I want women who’ve experienced trauma to think, “Because of what’s happened to me, I’m going to aim bigger and better in everything I do!”
When you finish this book, I want you to feel more empowered than you’ve ever felt. I want you to have a whole new way of looking at your life, where you are the main focus above all else. I want you to know with certainty that you can get or achieve whatever you want.
If you hate your job and feel miserable every day, I want you to have the strength to quit and find a new job you’re passionate about. If you’re in a toxic relationship, I want your self-worth to skyrocket and for you to find the power to walk away. If you’re unhappy day in and day out as a mom at home—never taking a moment to care for yourself—I want you to add yourself to the priority list and not worry about what anyone else says. Then, if you ever feel stuck in your own life again, I want you to have the goddess mode model committed to your brain so you can activate it whenever you need to, like I did.
No matter where you are right now and no matter what you’re going through, I want you to know you’re not alone. No one has the perfect life, and we’re all just responsible for doing the best we can. This book isn’t about fitting into the mold of a “perfect” woman but rather a person who is unique in her own wants and needs and who follows paths that feel most meaningful to her.
Before you head into Chapter 1, make sure you have access to your Goddess Mode in Action journal—paper or digital—and be ready to write. I’ve included prompts and exercises throughout the book to help bring goddess mode to life.
Now, let’s get started by understanding who you are and what you want your life to look like. Knowing this will lay the foundation that leads to actually getting that exact life…and I mean that. Anything you want can be yours.
I’m so excited for you, and I hope you’re ready to have some fun!
About the Author
Meli Rowland is an entrepreneur, mother, social media influencer, and the
creator and mentor of the Goddess Mode lifestyle. Following a disadvantaged
childhood and years in foster care, Meli took her life into her own hands
and defied all odds to become a self-made millionaire. Now, she educates
women on how to discover their inner goddesses and define the lives they
want for themselves through financial independence-and how to manifest in
thirty seconds.
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