CHAPTER ONE
81
Darkness that was my world now, literally I surrounded myself in a dark so black that even the devil feared me.
I am so numb in this world, alone with a demon I call home and my thoughts.
It’s just me, the demon and my brothers, the club. I bleed for them, for my cut. I would kill for both. Honor and loyalty. When I fell off the wagon, they picked me up. Pulled me hard through the shit, begging me to keep my head up when the dark, black waters were drowning me.
Life is about making mistakes and I have made more than my fair share. Not once did they turn on me.
Not once did they leave me.
They stayed.
They fought with me as the last parts of her poison left my body. They watched her break me and they saw me at my worst. It’s the same way now. I won’t leave my brother. I won’t fail when he needs me the most. I know how hard her grip is. That taste for a numbness she brings is so hypnotic that you’re blinded. I look in his eyes as he sits here staring at the wall and I see her dancing, taunting, haunting him. He sees her in my eyes also.
“I got you.” My voice low as a tear leaves his eye, sliding down his cheek to his bare chest as his body sweats and shakes. One lone tear telling the story of a brother in the final stages of detox. A human broken by the sweet sinful taste of an angel dressed in white. His nose bleeding from her love that’s fake.
I fucking feel him breaking, I do. His soul is shattered and the only one holding him together is that beautiful women sitting in the window box, the sun hitting her face lighting her up like the fucking insane miracle that she is. She’s his angel now.
“I didn’t mean to, I love you.” Her tears streamed down her white cheeks, eyes sunken in with black rings like designer bags hanging under her eyes. Her shaking hands reached for me, grabbing my cut.
“Again, Hannah, again. You fucked him again.” My voice boomed in the small room. “Look at your fucking face.” I move my hands to her face, squeezed her cheeks and twisted her face to the side.
“You leave me to come fuck him, get high with him for days on fucking end. On fuck knows what dodgy drugs he’s slamming into your veins and up your nose. Then he beats you up in a drug induced rage and you fucking come back crawling expecting me to fix it. Expecting my brothers and the club to fix it, and me to take you back.” I dropped my hands from her face, letting her fall to the floor where she fucking belonged.
“Baby, it’s you. It’s always been you. I love you.” She gripped at my jeans, as she tried to pull her strung-out ass body up my legs.
“Fuck off, Hannah.” My voice was sharp, cutting through her fake as fuck crying.
“81.” The pain in her voice did nothing for me. I’d heard it all before.
“Henry, please, baby.” Wow, she pulled out my name like that’s going to do anything, but piss me off more, reminding me that she knows so much about me and my life. My normal life, not just my biker life.
“You love heroin and his dick as much as his fists, and that there is the love you feel, Hannah. You fucking don’t love me. Not like I love you.” I seethed out through gritted teeth; my fists clenched.
“I’m fucking done with you and your whoring ass, Hannah.” My voice cold as I grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her up onto her feet into me, her eyes empty mine full of everything we could have been. “I have fucking never loved anyone as much as I fucking loved you. I would have given you the fucking world.”
I pulled her close, my breath mere inches from her lips, she mewled in my grip.
“You did this. You fucked this up and now I’m done. Pack your shit from my house and get the fuck out, and of the club also.”
My free hand snaked around her throat crushing her windpipe in the way she loves. She’s a dirty lover and my cock does love how far to the edge I could take her. I pull her lips into mine and biting down hard I seethed out, “We fucking could have been beautiful in this fucked up world. We actually could have made it.” I dropped her hard and fast. I then walked from my room at the club, her sobs and screams doing nothing for me.
“81, don’t! I can’t, I can’t live without you. I love you, but I can’t not have him either. He’s, well he’s good for me. 81, I love you both. Henry Arthur, I love you and him. I need you both. Please, Henry, don’t do this. Don’t make me choose.” I shuddered at this statement. “I didn’t give you an option to choose, Hannah.” I closed my eyes as her body looks pathetic in front of me.
“I can’t do this fucking shit anymore. You fuck with my fucking head. I love you Hannah, but you’re no good for me. I see it now, just like I love heroin and speed, the taste of bitter drugs on the tip of my tongue. The same way you love heroin, the taste, the feeling she gives. The same way his fists give you the deadly fix of pain. And you know what, babe? That shit ain’t good for either one of us.”
I heard the pain in her voice as she screamed out my name, so I flipped her the bird and walked away from her.
“You fucking cunt!” Jenna’s voice seethed out at me as I slammed the door behind me. Her fist flew at me. I caught it with my hand to hold her ass in place as she slapped my face with the other hand. My head slightly inched to the side as a soft sting warmed my cheek. I snapped my eyes to her face. My eyes burned with rage.
I pulled the other wrist into my grip and lifted her off the floor, so her eyes met mine.
Anger is laced in her pathetic depths, but it’s no match for my rage.
“Did you hear me you fuc—” My eyes burned into hers as I look deep into them.
“And you’re just a fucking club slut like your twin, so best you both just fucking step away.” I spit at her, my grip tightened while the pain etches over her face.
“She fucking loves you and look at the shit you do?” She spat back at me pleading in her voice.
“The shit I do? HA!” I laughed over a grin. “What? Fucking love her and treat her like she’s the only women I see.” I shook my head. “Fuck, you bitches are all the same. You don’t know just how good you got it.” I dropped Jenna to the floor with force, her tiny mini skirt wearing ass skidded over the hard dirty wood
“You fucking touch me again and see what happens, Jenna.”
I stepped over her ass and walked down the stairs to the bar. Until Hannah pulled my pathetic soul back in, I’m fucked. She’s an addiction that I couldn’t seem to detox from no matter how fucking hard I tried. I just couldn’t seem to step away from her and the longer Jenna was here as the best club slut the boys have had the most, I saw Hannah.
Fucking twins!
Fuck my life.
“I’m not letting you destroy me,” I said into my whiskey glass.
“Oh, brother you so fucking are.” Ghost’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized that I said that out loud. “She screeches, threatens and pleads at you. She flaunts her ass around in next to nothing and swings said ass all over that pole on the stage and you give in, brother. You take her back and she’s good for a bit, giving you some amazing head and insane sex you both get off on. This sick twisted shit and then the merry-go-round starts up again full speed. You all do this insane dance, she’s back to fucking being high and beaten blue. Then you’re back to sinking whiskey and we are all talking about just putting a cap in his head and getting rid of the problem for you.” I locked eyes with my brother I know he’s right. We both get off on fucking each other up.
My body shakes as goosebumps ripple over me. I ache as the memories hit me from out of nowhere, paralyze me with deep fear of who I am. It grips at me along with the demons beating at my skull the devil licking at my heels.
I chased danger. I never ran from anything, but I have walked away from her fast and tried hard to escape without any luck. I’m batshit crazy and she’s chasing me.
“I can’t wait to go into that new flower shop across the street.” Timberly’s voice floats all melodic and sweet around us pulling me from the memories of a nightmare that was a love story. As my eyes look out the window to the street below a smile creeps over my face watching the small female down below wrestle with a massive table trying to drag that into her shop.
“Those delivery men just dumped it there for her. How rude.” Timberly’s voice has a sharp annoyance to it.
“81, go and help her, will you? Take Ghost, he needs to do something other than moping here annoying me.” Timberly winks at him as his eyes look up from the wall to meet hers.
“Me? Why me?” I question. “I’d much rather sit here and watch her. It’s rather entertaining.” Raising my eyebrows at Timberly, I see the pure, white anger start to ripple over her brow and I laugh.
“You are playing with fire, brother. Shut up before you piss her off for the both of us. You get to leave and I have to stay to face the wrath of this little firecracker.” Ghost, my brother pulls Timberly into his body. Her hands fall to his shoulders as her head falls back with black curls floating around her as the sweet sound of her laughter picks up the energy in the room.
“Well?” Timberly’s eyes find mine the laughter gone and seriousness flicks through them.
“Well, what?” I answer her question with a question knowing how much that pisses her off.
“Don’t!” she snaps out.
“Don’t what, little lady?” I ask her stepping into her, my lips finding the top of her head as her hand comes up hitting my back.
“You know what,” she says. “Now go help the lady across the street. It’s about time you had a woman to occupy your thoughts, so you’re not at the club and the hotel as much.”
“Hey, I happen to love not having an annoying woman my life and someone has to hold shit up while this dick plays house with your sweet-talking ass.” Ghost sends me daggers.
“Fucking stop flirting with my woman.” Ghost bites out, a slight grin playing at the corners of his lips.
“I’ll be back before you know it and then you can fuck right off,” I respond, throwing my hands up in defeat.
I look at my brother and then his beautiful lady who has thrown so much shit down for us and the club. Her sweet eyes burning into mine. The light in her depths isn’t afraid of the dark she sees in mine and Ghosts eyes. For that I’ll do anything for her.
“Fine but know that it’s so you fucking leave me alone for like twenty-four hours.” Winking at Timberly she mouths out a sweet ‘thank you’ to me as I head from the shop and across the road to the little thing that seems to be wrestling with a mammoth table way out of her league.
“Hey, let me help ya.” She jumps, her hand on her chest as her flushed cheeks pale instantly, her eyes looking anxiously around.
“Oh, no. Please don’t.” I close my eyes at the sound of her voice. Fuck me, it’s intense.
“Ah, but you see I have too.” I look at her for the first time, like really look at her.
She’s something else.
My heart does some sort of dip thing. Shaking that shit off I whistle out to Ghost who’s standing with Timberly looking at me. Muppets.
“Get over here and help,” I holler out and this beautiful women’s voice rolls over me like a fire.
“Seriously, you don’t have to. I have it sorted.” I look her up and down and then at this huge, black, granite table then back to her stunning eyes.
“Shit, babe. Don’t mean to be a dick, but ya kinda don’t.” Her eyes burn into mine as her fingers grip the table turning white against the solid black.
“I have shit under control, thank you.” Her voice is trying to sound in control as her eyebrow rises. I see a small scar that runs perfectly through the middle of her eye. As the wind kicks up around us causing her bangs to blow off her face, I see that the scar actually runs up over her forehead. Her hands quickly brush them back down in place again.
She snaps her eyes to mine.
“Problem?” she questions.
Hands up in front of me I say, “N-n-na babe I just w-wanna help is all.” I stutter out as she has me feeling all sorts of fucked up.
“Let the boys help, doll.” Timberly’s soft voice is a welcome sound for once, breaking the alluring pull to allow my eyes to search hers once more.
Ghost’s hands go to where hers were and I see that Timberly has pulled her off to the side. Her cheeks are pale, her eyes wide and her hands shaking as she pulls nervously at her top.
“Where is this going babe?” Ghost busts out, sweat beading on his forehead. This will be killing him as he hasn’t worked out since Jenna tried to kill him with a hot shot. All he’s done is try and shake the drug his body craves.
“Um in the back please, like in the middle along the back wall so I can look out onto the street.” Her voice is hypnotic.
“Sure thing, babe.” He purrs out at her. I shoot him a look warning him to back away. Why? I don’t know. She’s not mine and he’s doing fuck all. Just talking to her, calling her babe. That’s it.
We haul this granite table up over the curb and slowly into the shop that is overflowing with all things floral.
Her eyes never leave mine as we walk backward toward her designated area.
“Right there, is perfect.” Her hands point down to the floor as we settle the table down. How she even knows we we’re in the right spot has me thinking as her eyes have never left mine.
Squaring it up for her and stepping away her fingers run over the cool granite. The black shines under the bright tube lights hanging from the ceiling on long chains. The white ripping over the black is a perfect match. Light meeting dark.
Her body brushes against mine as I step from the space. My eyes seek hers under her bangs so her searing green orbs meet mine. Heat hits me and a calm overcomes the darkness that I haven’t felt for years. It quells at her electric touch and burning stare.
Snapping away from her spell binding hold, I seek out Timberly. She is hovering around, her fingers running over the steel shelving units holding all types of girly things that occupy this now small space. There are glass bulb things hanging from the celling holding small green looking plants with white pebbles and dirt. Vases of flowers run along the whole length of the one side of the room’s wall taking up even more space and filling it with a heavy scent.
“Thank you.” Her small yet demanding voice cuts through my mind.
“All good, babe. No problem at all.” Ghost’s voice grates down my spine as he looks at her and her back at him.
“It was nice of you, but you didn’t have to.” She hums out looking down with hooded eyes.
“Babe, we kinda did. You couldn’t have moved that alone and Timberly here, well, she would have busted our balls if we didn’t,” he says as he looks over at Timberly.
“Right, Brother?” he says to me, as I look at our little lady with a massive grin on her face. She brings the long-stem, purple Iris up to her nose taking in their sweet scent. Her eyes roll closed as the euphoria washes over her face and body she hums from the beautiful smelling flowers.
“Mmm, these are my favorite.” She purrs out. No, they were her favorite. I can’t even handle it. Memories hit my frontal lobe as hate, love, lust and sadness hit me all at once. The past starts to creep up my spine, the tell-tale heart palpations start as my mind falls back down the rabbit hole of bad habits and near death.
“Kiss me.” I locked my eyes deep into hers as I stepped into her space in my room above the club..
“What’s behind your back?” she questioned as she tried to look behind me as I turned stopping her.
“Kiss me,” I murmured again the need for her lips on mine is like the itch in a vein, killer and oh so pleasurable.
“81, what are you up to?” She looked at me, her beautiful head cocked to the side as her tongue rolled over her bottom lip wetting it.
“Hannah, close your fucking eyes and kiss me, will you.” My voice was deep and laced in sexual warning.
Her beautiful eyes fluttered shut as her head inched closer to mine seeking out my mouth. I took her plump lips hard and devoured them. The heat and fire between us matched my psychotic DNA.
I bit down on her lip, she whimpered turning her body in mine so I could deepen the bite.
“Open your eyes, baby.” My voice vibrated over her swollen lips as she shook her beautiful head, her hair falling around us blanketing us in the moment.
“Open your eyes, Hannah.”
“Noooo, I’m scared.” Her voice cracked slightly as I free one of my hands from behind my back and slapped her ass.
She pouted as I pulled the bunch of Iris’s with a white ribbon wrapped tight around the stems. Tied to the ribbon was a gold band containing a small sprinkling of diamonds with a diamond shaped amethyst front and center. Her favorite stone, her favorite flowers. Boy did good.
“Babe. Come on. It’s ok. Open,” I pleaded with her stubborn ass.
“Promise?” She asked me. She’s hesitant, but I would be too, after all the dick moves and trick, I have pulled on her over the years.
“Yes, promise, babe. Just open those beautiful eyes.” Slowly she opened one eye and peered at me, her thick black lashes hiding her stunning, amber colored eyes.
“Hannah, open them for real.” A giggle left her body
“Alright, Alright.” She breathed out as her other eye opened and bored into my soul taking so much from me. She still fucking took my breath away after all the time and all the shit. She was stunning and could render me to my cold, hard knees.
Winking at her as her eyes travelled down to my hands, which were shaking.
Those amber eyes go wide, her perfect kissable lips form an O, fluttering back up to meet my gaze.
“If this is what love is, then I want it all. And I want you for always and forever.”
Shock washed over her face. I got it, I’m a cold, hard biker with a criminal past and a side job of fucking taking people out. She’s surprised I could pull off the romantic shit.
“You have seen my bad at its worst you have seen my good at its best and you have seen my high and matched it with more than a kiss of a needle, baby. Whatcha say?”
“81! duuuude really?” Her voice climbed a few decimals above fucking high pitch.
“Yes, really,” I said to her bewildered expression.
“My favorite flowers and—” She trailed off as I brought my lips to hers quickly kissing them, which stopped her from saying anything else.
“And a proposal, baby cakes. fucking marry my dark soul?”
My heart beats out of my chest as my lungs burned with fire while I waited for her answer.
“We are skipping the whole here’s my property patch be my old lady first? Just straight to marry my twisted soul and let’s fuck shit up?” Her voice was now a shit ton quieter as she took the flowers from my hands and breathed in the delicate purple petals.
“Questions? You’re really asking me questions right now. Hannah?” I said while I studied her face. “Babe, you’re breaking my balls right now.” Her lashes fall over her cheeks as her eyes shut.
“You’re killing me, for real I think I may just die.” I grit out bearing my soul, flaws and all to someone. That wasn’t what a guy like me did. Let alone ask a woman to be mine forever. That shit’s a long time.
“You’re so dramatic, Henry. Really, you’re not going to die and yes, I am asking questions, And yes, a big fat fucking HELL YESS! I will marry your dark, twisted ass.” Her eyes snapped open and I came undone. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, I pulled her up and into me spinning her around in my arms. Her forehead rested on mine as my lips crushed into hers. She’s the calm to my fucking nightmare. She’s my ride and die.
“Bro, bro! Hey.” Cracking my head to the right then left I close then open my eyes a few times.
“Bro, what the fuck.” I hear Ghost’s voice, while my vision is blurry and my head’s a foggy mess.
“Hey, are you ok, 81? Where did you just go?” I hear Timberly’s voice, the little lady that calms my brother’s dark soul and in turn keeps mine in check. Long since forgotten, the long stem Iris lay in the hands of the other stunning thing in this room that has lost all its air. I see worry dancing in Timberly’s eyes and Ghost tries to get me to look at him. I can’t. He will see it all, the nightmares of memories from a past that just about killed me. My fists are clenched. I look down at my knuckles, white and laced with pain.
My body is shaking. “Fuck!” I growl out, my voice dark. Running my hands roughly through my hair, I look at them as their eyes are searching me for answers I can’t give. The little bird holding the flowers is shaking as her eyes look me up and down.
I flee, running from the store straight for my bike and to the one place that quells this insane anger as memories, as unwanted as they are, assault me. I can’t fucking do this shit anymore.
