Tag Archives: Dark Humor

Latch Key Kids Blitz

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Fiction, Coming of Age, Dark Humor 

 

Date Published: September 2020 

Publisher: Paragraph Line Books 

 

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Latch Key Kids, the long-awaited follow-up to Small Town Punk, chronicles the enduring impact one life can have on another.  

Resilience and the power of sibling friendship combine into a surprising, ingeniously layered comic novel about a boy inventing himself.  

In Latch Key Kids, Sheppard strips the flesh from the bone. He makes you laugh by combining searing wit with keen social observation. 

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Also by John L. Sheppard

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Small Town Punk 

Publisher: g Publishing 

Trapped in dreary Sarasota, Florida in the early 1980s—during Reagan’s “Morning in America,”—going to high school with junior fascists by day, working at Pizza Hut by night, his family a dysfunctional nightmare, 17-year old Buzz Pepper feels that nothing matters in life beyond drinking, drugs and punk rock. 

As the country around him is becoming more conservative and corporate, and adulthood seems like the ultimate corrupt existence, Buzz can only find solace within a close-knit group of fellow disillusioned teens, which includes his devoted younger sister, Sissy. As they drive around in Buzz’s beat-up van, encountering redneck cops, mocking the local “geezers,” and wondering if there is any meaning in what seems to be a meaningless world, Small Town Punk perfectly captures how it is to be young, yet feel that you have no future. 

In the tradition of Hairstyles of the Dammed and Perks of Being A Wallflower, Small Town Punk is a brutally funny and poignant coming of age story that brilliantly evokes the surging joy, confusion and rage of youth. 

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 Read an Excerpt 

Years later, Sissy would say, “You remember. Of course you remember. How could you forget?” 

No,” I’d insist. “I don’t remember that at all.” 

The summer we moved to Sarasota, one of the local news anchors shot herself live on television with a gray, little pistol. Bang, went the report, sounding like someone clapping together a pair of wood blocks. That’s the way Sissy told the story. I don’t remember any of it. 

Sissy and I were up early, she told me, eating Cocoa Puffs out of the box, dry. We paused and looked at each other, stopping mid-crunch. Sissy swallowed her mouthful of cereal and asked, “Did that just happen?” 

Did what just happen?” I asked. 

That cereal. I remember that. My teeth were sugary rough. I sucked at my molars. But the dead woman. Was there a dead woman? And why did Sissy insist on watching this woman every morning on some public affairs show called Suncoast Digest? 

Wait. I remember that part. It was because the anchor was clearly weird, for one thing. Like you knew that one day she’d do something odd on the air and if we missed it, Sissy would never forgive me. 

For another, the anchor had a recognizable accent. She was from our part of Ohio. It was like hearing the voice of home listening to Christine. Christine! That was the anchor’s name. 

The picture on the color set wiggled. It made everything orange, or maybe that was the 1970’s. Maybe the 1970’s were particularly lurid. There was this dead woman slumped over in a field of wiggling orange. There was another person screaming. A man wearing a headset ran up. He waved at the camera and then some color bars glowed. They were primary colors. Soon enough, an episode of Gentle Ben came on to replace Suncoast Digest. A boy and his pet bear. Sissy turned the dial, clunking through the channels that we could get from the antenna on the roof. She found nothing satisfying and turned off the set. 

You have so much to learn about life, little brother,” Sissy said. 

I’m your big brother,” I said. 

Sure you are.” 

But I am. I’m almost two years older.” 

Do we have any orange juice?” Sissy smiled, showing off her dimpled cheeks. Adults liked to pinch them. “Do you think she’s really dead?” 

Who?” 

My God, you’re dumb. How’d you get so dumb?” 

I don’t know. I think I got it from Dad.” 

That makes sense.” She stood up, so I stood up, too. She handed me the box of Cocoa Puffs. I rolled up the waxpaper bag inside and clicked the boxtop shut. “That weird anchor lady. You think she really shot herself?” 

I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

She made a little fist and rapped gently on the side of my head. “Knock-knock. Anybody home?” 

Stop making fun of me.” 

You make it so easy, little brother.” She went into the kitchen and I followed her. 

About the Author 


John L Sheppard wrote Small Town Punk. He lives in Illinois.
 

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The Outlandish and the Ego – Blitz

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Dark Humor, Satire
Publisher: Xlibris
Published: February 2017
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The Outlandish and the Ego is the first in a new genre of literature: political erotica. This wild and comical satire follows two parallel stories that ultimately converge and blend into a new American reality.
One side of The Outlandish and the Ego plays out with the Aide, who relentlessly seeks to maintain his power as he maneuvers his president for reelection. The Aide’s ruthless appetite for victory comes to life in the form of wife swapping, partnering with a corporation hungry for war, endless slandering, and so much more. But in order to win, the Aide must survive an evil secret society-the Brethren.
The other half of The Outlandish and the Ego finds Samuel and Roger: two wild derelicts who are running from demon gnomes that nobody else can see or understand. In order to satisfy the gnomes’ demands, Samuel and Roger must solve the riddle of “the signal.” The two twisting plotlines crash into each other as the fate of the Aide, Samuel, Roger, and the Brethren come to an unexpected and hilarious close.
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Excerpt
The following is the opening to the second chapter of The Outlandish and the Ego. The chapter is entitled, “The Ego.”
The Ego
The doors to the Oval Office blew open, and supreme authority guided the Aide’s rush toward the President’s desk. He held a shotgun with both of his hands. The oversized battle helmet rattled around the crown of his head as he stomped toward his destination. He knew everything he needed to say and how he wanted to say it. He was ready.
“We have a situation,” he said as he pulled around the President’s desk. As the President looked up at him with befuddlement, the Aide leaned in and put all his weight into a great shove and sent the desk over on its side.
“Take cover, they’re here, and they’re coming for you.”
“Who’s coming? What the hell is going on?”
“I should have informed you sooner, but I underestimated the severity of the information given to me.” The Aide readjusted his glasses as he peeked back over the ridge of the fallen desk, probing for oncoming enemies. “The Confederates are here.”
“The Confederates?” The President’s mouth gaped open. “What is going on?” he whined.
“I didn’t want to alarm you, but there has been an uprising, and the Confederacy, I’m afraid, is back and looking for you.”
“I’m as white as they come!” the President whined.
“What do they want with me?”
“Most likely a swift assassination.” The Aide peeked over the desk once more, this time aiming the barrel of the gun at the opening of the room. “But fear not, sir. I am here to protect the Union.”
“Where is the Secret Service?”
“Dead. They’re all dead.” The Aide looked the President dead in the eye. “Even the first lady. She was slain out on the front lawn.”
“This can’t be.” The President melted down to the carpet, grabbing his hair with his trembling hands.
“They’re gonna kill me!”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.” The Aide pumped the shotgun ready. “Unfortunately, I only have one shot left.”
“One shot?”
“Yes. Don’t worry, though, I’ll make it a good one.”
The Aide perked up as if to focus in on his surroundings.
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?
The Aide popped up and fired his last shot in the direction of the opened doors. After feeling satisfied, he sat back down behind the safety of the desk.
“What was it?”
“Nothing, sir. Just a false alarm.”
The President lay there with his back firmly pressed up against the desk, quaking in a peculiar combination of shock, fear, and rage. “No, no, no,” he mumbled while shaking his head. Frozen, he stared into the palm of his hands, searching for a steadiness in his current reality.
Then from the belly of the hall that led into the Oval Office, the penetrating screams came pouring through, directed at the President.
“What’s that?” he cried.
“It’s one of them,” the Aide said in a low tremble. “He’s wearing a ski mask, and he’s armed.” The Aide looked down at the ground. “It was a pleasure knowing you, Mr. President.”
“Oh Jesus!” The President began to bite his lower lip as he clenched his fist tight, turning the knuckles of his hand white. The savage grunts and screams of the masked Confederate assassin grew louder, and the President knew it would be only a matter of time. The masked man was now in the Oval Office. He stood in the doorway, and though the President and the Aide bunkered down back behind their makeshift barrier, the masked man knew where his target was hiding. He laughed maniacally as he mockingly danced toward the desk.
“Please, there is no need to kill me,” the President begged. “I’m from Louisiana—trust me, if it was up to me, the Confederacy would have never gone away!”
“It’s too late for negotiations.” The masked man moved toward the President, standing over the hunched man before him. He prodded the barrel of the gun up to the
President’s mouth. “Open wide.”
“Oh Jesus,” the President muttered. He opened his mouth, and the barrel of the gun slid inside. He felt the cold steel bang against the tips of his front teeth, and he knew it was the end. He closed his eyes and waited for his world to fade into the grim abyss.
“Just as we planned!” the Aide yelled. He gave the masked man a high five as both men bent over with laughter. The President opened his eyes to understand the commotion. “Did you see the look of fear?” Both men began to cackle uncontrollably. The Confederate assassin took the mask off, revealing his identity.
“You?” The President frowned.
“You idiot,” the Press Secretary said. “You were all too eager to swallow that barrel!” Both men began to laugh once more.
The President stood up slowly, adjusting his tie and trying not to look as embarrassed as he felt. “So nobody is dead, right?”
“Of course not,” the Aide explained. “The Secret Service and First Lady were in on it too.” The Aide waited for the humor to subside. He sensed that the Press Secretary had caught his breath, so he decided to move on with the business of the day. “All right, all right. Now that we’ve all had our fun, it’s time to get to the serious matters of the day.”
 
About the Author

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O. Ryan Hussain is the new voice of comedic fiction and satire. The characters featured in his debut novel, The Outlandish and the Ego, are vibrant creations from a true genius. There is currently nobody better at blending truth, comedy and dirty fun.
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