2021
๐๐๐ ๐๐-๐๐๐ก๐ค๐๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ค๐๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ก ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ค๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐๐
๐๐.
๐๐ ๐๐๐ก. ๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ . ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ค. ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ก. ๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐
๐ก๐ ๐๐.
๐ต๐ข๐ก ๐๐ฆ ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐ค๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ด๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ก ๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐.
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐.
๐บ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ก ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ก ๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ก ๐๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐
๐๐๐ก๐ค๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐.
๐น๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐ฆ๐๐ข’๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐ข๐๐
๐๐๐ฃ๐. ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ค๐๐๐ ๐ข๐.
EXCERPT
CHAPTER ONE
81
ย
Darkness that was my world now, literally I surrounded myself in a dark so black that even the devil feared me.
I am so numb in this world, alone with a demon I call home and my thoughts.
Itโs just me, the demon and my brothers, the club. I bleed for them, for my cut. I would kill for both. Honor and loyalty. When I fell off the wagon, they picked me up. Pulled me hard through the shit, begging me to keep my head up when the dark, black waters were drowning me.
Life is about making mistakes and I have made more than my fair share. Not once did they turn on me.
Not once did they leave me.
They stayed.
They fought with me as the last parts of her poison left my body. They watched her break me and they saw me at my worst. Itโs the same way now. I wonโt leave my brother. I wonโt fail when he needs me the most. I know how hard her grip is. That taste for a numbness she brings is so hypnotic that youโre blinded. I look in his eyes as he sits here staring at the wall and I see her dancing, taunting, haunting him. He sees her in my eyes also.
โI got you.โ My voice low as a tear leaves his eye, sliding down his cheek to his bare chest as his body sweats and shakes. One lone tear telling the story of a brother in the final stages of detox. A human broken by the sweet sinful taste of an angel dressed in white. His nose bleeding from her love thatโs fake.
I fucking feel him breaking, I do. His soul is shattered and the only one holding him together is that beautiful women sitting in the window box, the sun hitting her face lighting her up like the fucking insane miracle that she is. Sheโs his angel now.
โI didnโt mean to, I love you.โ Her tears streamed down her white cheeks, eyes sunken in with black rings like designer bags hanging under her eyes. Her shaking hands reached for me, grabbing my cut.
โAgain, Hannah, again. You fucked him again.โ My voice boomed in the small room. โLook at your fucking face.โ I move my hands to her face, squeezed her cheeks and twisted her face to the side.
โYou leave me to come fuck him, get high with him for days on fucking end. On fuck knows what dodgy drugs heโs slamming into your veins and up your nose. Then he beats you up in a drug induced rage and you fucking come back crawling expecting me to fix it. Expecting my brothers and the club to fix it, and me to take you back.โ I dropped my hands from her face, letting her fall to the floor where she fucking belonged.ย ย
โBaby, itโs you. Itโs always been you. I love you.โ She gripped at my jeans, as she tried to pull her strung-out ass body up my legs.
โFuck off, Hannah.โ My voice was sharp, cutting through her fake as fuck crying.
โ81.โ The pain in her voice did nothing for me. Iโd heard it all before.
โHenry, please, baby.โ Wow, she pulled out my name like thatโs going to do anything, but piss me off more, reminding me that she knows so much about me and my life. My normal life, not just my biker life.
โYou love heroin and his dick as much as his fists, and that there is the love you feel, Hannah. You fucking donโt love me. Not like I love you.โ I seethed out through gritted teeth; my fists clenched.
โIโm fucking done with you and your whoring ass, Hannah.โ My voice cold as I grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her up onto her feet into me, her eyes empty mine full of everything we could have been. โI have fucking never loved anyone as much as I fucking loved you. I would have given you the fucking world.โ
I pulled her close, my breath mere inches from her lips, she mewled in my grip.
โYou did this. You fucked this up and now Iโm done. Pack your shit from my house and get the fuck out, and of the club also.โ
My free hand snaked around her throat crushing her windpipe in the way she loves. Sheโs a dirty lover and my cock does love how far to the edge I could take her.ย I pull her lips into mine and biting down hard I seethed out, โWe fucking could have been beautiful in this fucked up world. We actually could have made it.โ I dropped her hard and fast. I then walked from my room at the club, her sobs and screams doing nothing for me.
โ81, donโt! I canโt, I canโt live without you. I love you, but I canโt not have him either. Heโs, well heโs good for me. 81, I love you both. Henry Arthur, I love you and him. I need you both. Please, Henry, donโt do this. Donโt make me choose.โ I shuddered at this statement. โI didnโt give you an option to choose, Hannah.โ I closed my eyes as her body looks pathetic in front of me.
โI canโt do this fucking shit anymore. You fuck with my fucking head. I love you Hannah, but youโre no good for me. I see it now, just like I love heroin and speed, the taste of bitter drugs on the tip of my tongue. The same way you love heroin, the taste, the feeling she gives. The same way his fists give you the deadly fix of pain. And you know what, babe? That shit ainโt good for either one of us.โ
I heard the pain in her voice as she screamed out my name, so I flipped her the bird and walked away from her.
โYou fucking cunt!โ Jennaโs voice seethed out at me as I slammed the door behind me. Her fist flew at me. I caught it with my hand to hold her ass in place as she slapped my face with the other hand. My head slightly inched to the side as a soft sting warmed my cheek. I snapped my eyes to her face. My eyes burned with rage.
I pulled the other wrist into my grip and lifted her off the floor, so her eyes met mine.
Anger is laced in her pathetic depths, but itโs no match for my rage.
โDid you hear me you fucโโ My eyes burned into hers as I look deep into them.
โAnd youโre just a fucking club slut like your twin, so best you both just fucking step away.โ I spit at her, my grip tightened while the pain etches over her face.
ย โShe fucking loves you and look at the shit you do?โ She spat back at me pleading in her voice.
โThe shit I do? HA!โ I laughed over a grin. โWhat? Fucking love her and treat her like sheโs the only women I see.โ I shook my head. โFuck, you bitches are all the same. You donโt know just how good you got it.โ I dropped Jenna to the floor with force, her tiny mini skirt wearing ass skidded over the hard dirty wood
โYou fucking touch me again and see what happens, Jenna.โ
I stepped over her ass and walked down the stairs to the bar. Until Hannah pulled my pathetic soul back in, Iโm fucked. Sheโs an addiction that I couldn’t seem to detox from no matter how fucking hard I tried. I just couldn’t seem to step away from her and the longer Jenna was here as the best club slut the boys have had the most, I saw Hannah.
Fucking twins!
Fuck my life.
โIโm not letting you destroy me,โ I said into my whiskey glass.
โOh, brother you so fucking are.โ Ghost’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized that I said that out loud. โShe screeches, threatens and pleads at you. She flaunts her ass around in next to nothing and swings said ass all over that pole on the stage and you give in, brother. You take her back and sheโs good for a bit, giving you some amazing head and insane sex you both get off on. This sick twisted shit and then the merry-go-round starts up again full speed. You all do this insane dance, sheโs back to fucking being high and beaten blue. Then youโre back to sinking whiskey and we are all talking about just putting a cap in his head and getting rid of the problem for you.โ I locked eyes with my brother I know heโs right. We both get off on fucking each other up.
My body shakes as goosebumps ripple over me. I ache as the memories hit me from out of nowhere, paralyze me with deep fear of who I am. It grips at me along with the demons beating at my skull the devil licking at my heels.
I chased danger. I never ran from anything, but I have walked away from her fast and tried hard to escape without any luck. Iโm batshit crazy and sheโs chasing me.
โI canโt wait to go into that new flower shop across the street.โ Timberlyโs voice floats all melodic and sweet around us pulling me from the memories of a nightmare that was a love story. As my eyes look out the window to the street below a smile creeps over my face watching the small female down below wrestle with a massive table trying to drag that into her shop.
โThose delivery men just dumped it there for her. How rude.โ Timberly’s voice has a sharp annoyance to it.
โ81, go and help her, will you? Take Ghost, he needs to do something other than moping here annoying me.โ Timberly winks at him as his eyes look up from the wall to meet hers.
โMe? Why me?โ I question. โIโd much rather sit here and watch her. Itโs rather entertaining.โ Raising my eyebrows at Timberly, I see the pure, white anger start to ripple over her brow and I laugh.
โYou are playing with fire, brother. Shut up before you piss her off for the both of us. You get to leave and I have to stay to face the wrath of this little firecracker.โ Ghost, my brother pulls Timberly into his body. Her hands fall to his shoulders as her head falls back with black curls floating around her as the sweet sound of her laughter picks up the energy in the room.
โWell?โ Timberly’s eyes find mine the laughter gone and seriousness flicks through them.
โWell, what?โ I answer her question with a question knowing how much that pisses her off.
โDonโt!โ she snaps out.
โDonโt what, little lady?โ I ask her stepping into her, my lips finding the top of her head as her hand comes up hitting my back.
โYou know what,โ she says. โNow go help the lady across the street. Itโs about time you had a woman to occupy your thoughts, so youโre not at the club and the hotel as much.โ
โHey, I happen to love not having an annoying woman my life and someone has to hold shit up while this dick plays house with your sweet-talking ass.โ Ghost sends me daggers.
โFucking stop flirting with my woman.โ Ghost bites out, a slight grin playing at the corners of his lips.
โIโll be back before you know it and then you can fuck right off,โ I respond, throwing my hands up in defeat.
I look at my brother and then his beautiful lady who has thrown so much shit down for us and the club. Her sweet eyes burning into mine. The light in her depths isnโt afraid of the dark she sees in mine and Ghosts eyes. For that Iโll do anything for her.
โFine but know that itโs so you fucking leave me alone for like twenty-four hours.โ Winking at Timberly she mouths out a sweet โthank youโ to me as I head from the shop and across the road to the little thing that seems to be wrestling with a mammoth table way out of her league.
โHey, let me help ya.โ She jumps, her hand on her chest as her flushed cheeks pale instantly, her eyes looking anxiously around.
โOh, no. Please donโt.โ I close my eyes at the sound of her voice. Fuck me, itโs intense.
โAh, but you see I have too.โ I look at her for the first time, like really look at her.
Sheโs something else.
My heart does some sort of dip thing. Shaking that shit off I whistle out to Ghost whoโs standing with Timberly looking at me. Muppets.
โGet over here and help,โ I holler out and this beautiful womenโs voice rolls over me like a fire.
โSeriously, you donโt have to. I have it sorted.โ I look her up and down and then at this huge, black, granite table then back to her stunning eyes.
โShit, babe. Donโt mean to be a dick, but ya kinda donโt.โ Her eyes burn into mine as her fingers grip the table turning white against the solid black.
โI have shit under control, thank you.โ Her voice is trying to sound in control as her eyebrow rises. I see a small scar that runs perfectly through the middle of her eye. As the wind kicks up around us causing her bangs to blow off her face, I see that the scar actually runs up over her forehead. Her hands quickly brush them back down in place again.
She snaps her eyes to mine.
โProblem?โ she questions.
Hands up in front of me I say, โN-n-na babe I just w-wanna help is all.โ I stutter out as she has me feeling all sorts of fucked up.
โLet the boys help, doll.โ Timberlyโs soft voice is a welcome sound for once, breaking the alluring pull to allow my eyes to search hers once more.
Ghostโs hands go to where hers were and I see that Timberly has pulled her off to the side. Her cheeks are pale, her eyes wide and her hands shaking as she pulls nervously at her top.
โWhere is this going babe?โ Ghost busts out, sweat beading on his forehead. This will be killing him as he hasnโt worked out since Jenna tried to kill him with a hot shot. All heโs done is try and shake the drug his body craves.
โUm in the back please, like in the middle along the back wall so I can look out onto the street.โ Her voice is hypnotic.
โSure thing, babe.โ He purrs out at her. I shoot him a look warning him to back away. Why? I donโt know. Sheโs not mine and heโs doing fuck all. Just talking to her, calling her babe. Thatโs it.
We haul this granite table up over the curb and slowly into the shop that is overflowing with all things floral.
Her eyes never leave mine as we walk backward toward her designated area.
โRight there, is perfect.โ Her hands point down to the floor as we settle the table down. How she even knows we weโre in the right spot has me thinking as her eyes have never left mine.
Squaring it up for her and stepping away her fingers run over the cool granite. The black shines under the bright tube lights hanging from the ceiling on long chains. The white ripping over the black is a perfect match. Light meeting dark.
Her body brushes against mine as I step from the space. My eyes seek hers under her bangs so her searing green orbs meet mine. Heat hits me and a calm overcomes the darkness that I havenโt felt for years. It quells at her electric touch and burning stare.
Snapping away from her spell binding hold, I seek out Timberly. She is hovering around, her fingers running over the steel shelving units holding all types of girly things that occupy this now small space. There are glass bulb things hanging from the celling holding small green looking plants with white pebbles and dirt. Vases of flowers run along the whole length of the one side of the roomโs wall taking up even more space and filling it with a heavy scent.
โThank you.โ Her small yet demanding voice cuts through my mind.
โAll good, babe. No problem at all.โ Ghostโs voice grates down my spine as he looks at her and her back at him.
โIt was nice of you, but you didnโt have to.โ She hums out looking down with hooded eyes.
โBabe, we kinda did. You couldnโt have moved that alone and Timberly here, well, she would have busted our balls if we didnโt,โ he says as he looks over at Timberly.
โRight, Brother?โ he says to me, as I look at our little lady with a massive grin on her face. She brings the long-stem, purple Iris up to her nose taking in their sweet scent. Her eyes roll closed as the euphoria washes over her face and body she hums from the beautiful smelling flowers.
โMmm, these are my favorite.โ She purrs out. No, they were her favorite. I canโt even handle it. Memories hit my frontal lobe as hate, love, lust and sadness hit me all at once. The past starts to creep up my spine, the tell-tale heart palpations start as my mind falls back down the rabbit hole of bad habits and near death.
โKiss me.โ I locked my eyes deep into hers as I stepped into her space in my room above the club..
โWhatโs behind your back?โ she questioned as she tried to look behind me as I turned stopping her.ย ย
โKiss me,โ I murmured again the need for her lips on mine is like the itch in a vein, killer and oh so pleasurable.
โ81, what are you up to?โ She looked at me, her beautiful head cocked to the side as her tongue rolled over her bottom lip wetting it.ย ย
โHannah, close your fucking eyes and kiss me, will you.โ My voice was deep and laced in sexual warning.
Her beautiful eyes fluttered shut as her head inched closer to mine seeking out my mouth. I took her plump lips hard and devoured them. The heat and fire between us matched my psychotic DNA.
I bit down on her lip, she whimpered turning her body in mine so I could deepen the bite.
โOpen your eyes, baby.โ My voice vibrated over her swollen lips as she shook her beautiful head, her hair falling around us blanketing us in the moment.
โOpen your eyes, Hannah.โ
โNoooo, Iโm scared.โ Her voice cracked slightly as I free one of my hands from behind my back and slapped her ass.
She pouted as I pulled the bunch of Irisโs with a white ribbon wrapped tight around the stems. Tied to the ribbon was a gold band containing a small sprinkling of diamonds with a diamond shaped amethyst front and center. Her favorite stone, her favorite flowers. Boy did good.
โBabe. Come on. Itโs ok. Open,โ I pleaded with her stubborn ass.
โPromise?โ She asked me. Sheโs hesitant, but I would be too, after all the dick moves and trick, I have pulled on her over the years.
โYes, promise, babe. Just open those beautiful eyes.โ Slowly she opened one eye and peered at me, her thick black lashes hiding her stunning, amber colored eyes.
โHannah, open them for real.โ A giggle left her body
โAlright, Alright.โ She breathed out as her other eye opened and bored into my soul taking so much from me. She still fucking took my breath away after all the time and all the shit. She was stunning and could render me to my cold, hard knees.
Winking at her as her eyes travelled down to my hands, which were shaking.
Those amber eyes go wide, her perfect kissable lips form an O, fluttering back up to meet my gaze.
โIf this is what love is, then I want it all. And I want you for always and forever.โ
Shock washed over her face. I got it, I’m a cold, hard biker with a criminal past and a side job of fucking taking people out. She’s surprised I could pull off the romantic shit.
โYou have seen my bad at its worst you have seen my good at its best and you have seen my high and matched it with more than a kiss of a needle, baby. Whatcha say?โ
โ81! duuuude really?โ Her voice climbed a few decimals above fucking high pitch.
โYes, really,โ I said to her bewildered expression.
โMy favorite flowers andโโ She trailed off as I brought my lips to hers quickly kissing them, which stopped her from saying anything else.
โAnd a proposal, baby cakes. fucking marry my dark soul?โ
My heart beats out of my chest as my lungs burned with fire while I waited for her answer.
โWe are skipping the whole hereโs my property patch be my old lady first? Just straight to marry my twisted soul and letโs fuck shit up?โ Her voice was now a shit ton quieter as she took the flowers from my hands and breathed in the delicate purple petals.
โQuestions? Youโre really asking me questions right now. Hannah?โ I said while I studied her face. โBabe, youโre breaking my balls right now.โ Her lashes fall over her cheeks as her eyes shut.
โYouโre killing me, for real I think I may just die.โ I grit out bearing my soul, flaws and all to someone. That wasn’t what a guy like me did. Let alone ask a woman to be mine forever. That shitโs a long time.
โYouโre so dramatic, Henry. Really, youโre not going to die and yes, I am asking questions, And yes, a big fat fucking HELL YESS! I will marry your dark, twisted ass.โ Her eyes snapped open and I came undone. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, I pulled her up and into me spinning her around in my arms. Her forehead rested on mine as my lips crushed into hers. Sheโs the calm to my fucking nightmare. Sheโs my ride and die.
ย
โBro, bro! Hey.โ Cracking my head to the right then left I close then open my eyes a few times.
โBro, what the fuck.โ I hear Ghostโs voice, while my vision is blurry and my headโs a foggy mess.
โHey, are you ok, 81? Where did you just go?โ I hear Timberlyโs voice, the little lady that calms my brotherโs dark soul and in turn keeps mine in check. Long since forgotten, the long stem Iris lay in the hands of the other stunning thing in this room that has lost all its air. I see worry dancing in Timberlyโs eyes and Ghost tries to get me to look at him. I canโt. He will see it all, the nightmares of memories from a past that just about killed me. My fists are clenched. I look down at my knuckles, white and laced with pain.
My body is shaking. โFuck!โ I growl out, my voice dark. Running my hands roughly through my hair, I look at them as their eyes are searching me for answers I canโt give. The little bird holding the flowers is shaking as her eyes look me up and down.
I flee, running from the store straight for my bike and to the one place that quells this insane anger as memories, as unwanted as they are, assault me. I canโt fucking do this shit anymore.
I’m a Wife and a mum to 6 wonderful children. I’m from New Zealand and live in
a cute little village called Wharepapa South in the North Island but I was
born and bred in Nelson in another cute village called Wakefield in the South
Island of New Zealand.
I love coffee and cake way too much. I’m addicted to sour Skittles and writing
some pretty badass books if I do say so myself.
My writing varies between genres – such as the Mafia and MC worlds but I also
write ‘real life’ stories filled with angst and pleasure.